The Characters are Revolting

Here is an excerpt from my new short story, I hope you enjoy.





The foul odor permeated the room. The reek of Coke and cheese hung over the oak table that was covered with a pale blue tablecloth. The two men and the two women cast venomous looks at the long haired young man huddled over the end, where he had been banished almost two hours ago. Rrrrr….iiiiii….pppp, the fabric seat vibrated.

“Cliff, you sick shit. You seriously need to see a doctor!” the short red haired woman growled, waving a notebook in front of her face.

Cliff looked up from his pretend hang dog look, ogling the girl’s well-endowed t-shirt.

“Come on guys, it’s the Cheese-o. You know my stomach doesn’t like them.”

“If you don’t like them, why do you eat them? You’ve been sitting there two hours now. You friggin stink!” chipped in the tall blond well-muscled young man.

Cliff rubbed the sore mark his glasses left and his finger bounced over a zit that had come up on the side of his nose. He frantically looked around to see if anyone noticed, maybe he could pop it discreetly.

“It’s my stomach; it doesn’t like a lot of the food I like.”

“You’re disgusting, you little creep. I don’t know why we let you play. The same thing happens every week.” The dark haired girl from across the table glared at him.


The red haired girl turned slightly to look at the Dungeon Master, huddled behind the cardboard screens that hid all the secrets of the dungeon the players were exploring. While she was distracted, Cliff reached deftly across the table and flicked her twenty sided dice on the floor. Without thinking she moved to retrieve it, and as she bent over, Cliff perved down her neckline, clear to her belly button. Unfortunately for him, she looked up unexpectedly.

“You dirty creep!” she thundered, as she reached over and grabbed his ear under the greasy hair and twisted viciously.

Martin sighed. This happened every time they played. He actually thought Veronica enjoyed the attention. He peered at the players over his screen.

“Maybe we should leave things here. It has taken three hours to get through the first three levels and the Lich King is on the last level of the dungeon. The King alone will take a good two hours, plus the loot. I think it would be better for you guys to take him on next week.”

Jared looked at the others. “That might be a good idea. I have a psych. exam tomorrow and I probably need to go over my notes. Besides, like Jessie and V have so eloquently pointed out, the air is ripe.”

Martin nodded. “Good idea, there is a Babylon 5 special on tonight. Rumor has it they discovered another five minutes that has never been put on DVD.”

The last member of the elite Friday night Dungeon and Dragons Game nodded vigorously. “Yeah, I heard the same thing.”


With that, they spent the next five minutes while various players picked up their dice, pencils and character sheets and packed the Players Handbooks into their bags. Martin pulled out a plastic grocery sack and everyone put their chip packets and empty soda cans inside. Within ten minutes the players went their different directions until the meeting next week.


*                           *                             *                      *


The air was cold and the only light came from the smoky torch, a handheld bull’s eye lantern and a glowing gem that hung from the tall blond woman’s neck. Within minutes the five men and women began to fidget. The tall red haired woman, wearing a fur leather strip across her very full bust and a tiny bikini brief that barely covered her loins, reached up and scratched the inside of her ear. Then looked intently at what she had found on the end of her finger and quickly flicked it away into the dark.


The shorter man, wearing leather breeches and knee high soft boots scratched his stomach under the woolen tunic, and then itched the tip of his pointed ears that poked through the long blond hair. He plucked the string of his bow absently mindedly.


The second woman, wearing a diaphanous white dress and a small tiara on her beautiful blond cascading hair, looked furtively around the darkened corridor and then reached up as subtly as she could, and fingered the bottom of the shapely well-endowed bust. Then she pulled the neckline out and looked inside the top. She literally started to drool, when suddenly she looked up as the tall, armored knight grabbed her arm and jerked her rudely forward.

“Lucia the Pure, stop that. You’re a Blue Mage of the Ninth Ring.”

“What a stupid name, ‘Lucia the Pure’,” the pointy eared man mocked.

The knight looked at him as he held the woman. “Tread carefully, she is a Duchess.”

“Ohhh, that’s right.” He waved his arms in the air. “I’m so scared.”

Lucia pulled back against the stronger man. “I can’t stop the voices.” Her free hand grasped her head, knocking the tiara astray. “I can’t think clearly. I hear his voice telling me to do awful things.”

The tall barbarian woman looked at her incredulously. “What the bloody hell are you talking about? Look what the dumb shit upstairs has dressed me in. What kind of armor is this?” She tugged at the leather strips. “This crap can’t even protect me from the cold much less a long sword.”

Lucia straightened. “Yes, the Player, I forget sometimes what is happening.” She rubbed her face and her head dropped. Lucia looked up indignantly, holding her white skirt in her hand. “Oh no, look what he has dressed me in, my best dress, and no petticoats.”


Review by: Dale Russell                            on July 30, 2012             :                            starstarstarstar             A fun-filled adventure. This short story made me laugh out loud. I must confess to being a player from a young age where I named my Hero Quest Barbarian ‘Barbie’ and conquered. I enjoyed how this story was written from the characters’ perspectives; very clever. Clearly this author has played a few games himself. The ‘Players’ have also been fleshed out well in a short span of time – you are ready to empathise with the characters as a they revolt.


Leave a Reply